I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
