You were right. It hurts to walk today.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
