Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
