Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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