So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
So vagazzling was a success
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
