Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
