Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
