Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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