I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How naked do you want me to be?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
