Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
