Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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