TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You ruined the universe
Randomize