i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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