pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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