Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
