is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
