my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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