she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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