i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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