Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
