Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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