I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
