One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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