Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
