my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
