I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
