i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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