so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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