My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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