Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize
