i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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