Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
