The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
