Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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