ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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