Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
