You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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