In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
