You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
