ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
