Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
