i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think people are normalizing furries
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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