it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
