We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize