why didn't you poke me back
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
