how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
