god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
