Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I want her autograph on my taint
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
