is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
