On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
