rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize