tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
