Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize