Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
