being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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