Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
