i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
