What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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