Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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