So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
