I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
