My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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