Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize