I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
