I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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