I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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