I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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