1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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