i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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